I was inspired by the movie “Run a way bride” starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, where Julia Roberts played the part of the bride who always ran away before marriage because she could not commit and according to Richard Gere , who played the part of a reporter researching the story of the “Run away bride”, she always ran away because she did not know herself! A simple question asked to the different bridegrooms to be , “How did she like her eggs?” , was answered every time with: “the same as mine”.
This film reminds me much of my choices or “non” choices in marriage. In the beginning, subconsciously I tried to be as my partner would like me to be. Each time I said ‘it is ok ” or “we will do it as you wish” to avoid discussions I was loosing ground, loosing myself little by little.As the years go by and after a lot of lessons learned I realized that “it is not ok” to do things in a way that I did not agree to, so I started giving my opinion. The discussions, ones avoided were now constantly there and ended often in “no” agreement and forcefully doing the will of the other.
To be consistent in the upbringing of our kids we had an unwritten rule that, because of my education and working experience , I was the expert on education and financial matters, so what I decided regarding these matters was done. I was always the one spiritually involved and looking for a relationship with God so Spiritually I was allowed to make the decisions. But I realize now I was allowed to be the decision maker however the other was not participating in the decision-making process . I did not read the signs saying “I do not care , I will do anyway what I think “.
The years went by our marriage broke once , restarted and nearly broke again when with allot of prayers and spiritual battle my partner accepted Christ and baptized. One would say that we then both had the same relationship with God and the same values. I was diagnosed with PLS, was depressed, during all this time we were growing more and more apart. Our values appeared also to be different. I believe in befriending everyone but hating sin and will not go along with sinful behavior, my partner on the other hand would befriend everyone and will be indifferent to their way of life seems even to go along with this way of life. We are both Latin Americans and Baptized Pentecostals but yet our values are different. Having an affair is also one of the values we definitely differ in. That has always apparently been there, but when I realized that, I naively thought it would change but it never did!